The 18th year.

Becoming18 serves as a milestone for anyone, in a much stronger sense that the traditional 'sweet sixteen' thing that the americans go on about (although 16 candles wasnt a bad film).
It means I can legally buy alchohol anywhere that serves it to members of the public.
This is great as it means things will be a lot easier in terms of partys but I cant help but think its an Era gone.

No more shall I be able to feel the childish sensation of getting alchohol illegally by getting older brothers to buy it and drinking it in a park anywhere. it seems the common enemy of 'drinking laws' that united us underage drinkers is now officaily gone, like I'm no longer a member of that club.

It also marks my turn into Adulthood.

when I think about this at first I think its good, then I realise its the final breath of my innocence.

Im sitting here at 11:36, just 23 and a half minutes before I become whats known as a man.

Ill never be a kid again, never get into boyish shannigans and from now on, the seriousness starts.

Jobs, Marraige, Kids, Health problems, Old age....

your 18th birthday serves as an important milestone as a boundary between that, you could always say, well I'm not even technically an adult so why am I worrying.

Now the slow decay of time shall take its toll on my body and finally kill me.

Oh it seems why I've been writing time has continued, as its now 00:04

Happy Birthday to me.

P.s. I think this sign sums up the best advice for my life after my birthday party is finished.

Empathy.

empathy [ˈɛmpəθɪ]

n

1. the power of understanding and imaginatively entering into another person's feelings

2. the attribution to an object, such as a work of art, of one's own emotional or intellectual feelings about it

 

 

This picture is a group of my friendship group that went to a pub quiz,

 I'm in the picture.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Its amazing the feeling that can be achieved when everyone in the room has positive energy towards each other, It sounds Hippie-ish, but it an amazing feeling, the feeling Banter usually breaks. Its uncommon to have a group of people in common, constant empathy with each as something is always going on that breeds paranoia or worry that stops yourself being that vunerable with a group of human beings.

 

Whats much more common is an empathy stage between two people, usually in a romantic sense.

Theyre has been many times where I have experianced this particular feeling and I usually remember those times as the happiest memories I have, that I frequently re-live in nostalgic thoughts, or over-romanticised dreams.

 

Usually these feelings of empathy are only experianced when the two are alone, or at least are left alone.

 

They are characterised by :

1. a feeling of an amazing connection with another human being. 

2. a sense of purpose and understanding of life, that makes everything worth living.

3. an unrealistic sense of happieness that makes you think that pherhaps those silly singers were right.

 

unfortunatly, due to the secluded and personal nature of the interaction between the two, whatever it might of been, it usually means when you see that person again amongst normal people its unbelievably awkward.

 

This, as it has been for me on multiple occasions, is very saddening, like an amazing chapter of your life is over. I dont hold a grudge against any of them except one, as I understand that its wierd when your out of the unrealistically happy comfort zone that you spent the time together in,

like a cliff,

or on a close friends Sofa,

or in the back of a car when music is playing so loudly that you accept it as your new reality.

 

The fact is, if you ever find yourself in one of these situations, and believe me you'll know when it is,

make sure you savour it, because if your anything like me, you will miss it a lot.

Its not the sex, or maybe not even with physical contact, usually in fact its either after the sex or just when your chatting.

 

The thing is though, by its very nature I dont believe this experiance can be shared between a couple, but I believe it favours better with two people who don't know each other, or at least based on my experiance I believe this to be true.

 

In theory a couple should be able to continue this feeling of empathy indefinitely but I believe its niave for a couple to assume that its required, as I've never achieved it in a relationship, but Im not a good example.

 

 

This is a picture of two of my friends who are now in relationship, they were both very drunk when this was taken and Myself and another girl were in the room at the time, yet they look so happy together.

Pherhaps being drunk is the key?

(Just so you know, they are hugging)

 

 

 

 

 

 

This aside, I just hope more of these experiances come my way, as they are, without a doubt, my favourite thing about life.

 

 

And to a girl called Becky that I thought I knew, I say I honestly don't believe you are the same girl I spent 8 hours on a cliff with watching the sun come up,

 

I will Honestly remember it forever.

 

These are just two silly teenagers, one of them was about to have what he considers the best night of his life I'm informed, the other is going to enjoy the night and then ignore the other for as much as they can.

 

Goodnight.

A Whole World of Male Ego

Friends are friends, they might not even be friends but you spend enough time around them with other friends and they become friends.

Recently I've been going down to the same Pub pretty much every weekend, Although this weekend I only went once (due to a lack of money and interest).

Its a rather strange little pub that contains a Bar (obviously), a table football table, a Sofa, a Dj area and an ambitously named "Bear Garden".

Ive only utilised the Sofas however for inside drinking, and the Bear Garden for outside drinking and smoking (smoking ban & all)

Groups of usually 8 of us go, who are a mixture of friends from various places around the county I live in, and they all are on different levels of friendship with me. Needless to say The Banter is ongoing as usually the ratio of boys to girls in this random group is usually Boy dominant, and being a member of this group of usually 8 I must suffer this socail construct.

The banter could be considered a subtle, yet blatant way to find a chink in ones armour as reacting to it is contrary to good, laughing it off can attract a different form of negative attention however that I can't explain.
Striking back with witty comments is effective but usually is a short term solution as it can extend the argument and after a few drinks things can turn hostile.

The best answer I've found is not to bring up the banter so not to be entered into it, but when the banter comes your way just smile, look at the ground and mutter just loud enough "Bastard"

This provides comical element for the group that you can join in showing you can take a joke, but also flattering the banter-ers ability to create a joke, therefore creating a situation where everyone is laughing at the situation rather than you, meaning you can laugh too. 

Its easily pulled off after a few drinks and a ciggerette or two, although It has occured to me that Smoking socaily may soon have many negatives, at the moment however I only do it because it relaxs me and I feel fairly complacent doing it, giving my hands something to do when everyone is sitting there.

The nights at the pub themselves are mainly hit or miss, and its iffy whether I have enough money to have a decent night out meaning sometimes I have to rely on handouts from friends, they do serve as a distraction to being at home bored, although If anything I was generally interested in came up I would avoid it like the plague.

Maybe I'm being harsh, thier tolerant enough to hang around me after all, and I have had a few very good nights down thier when live bands where in and we were all drunk enough to dance and sing the songs we knew. Viv' la empathy. (whatever that means)

'Not saying it was your fault, although you could've done more'



Until next time, the banter must go on.

P.S This is a picture of the beer garden and two of the 8 sitting on what I now call the 'Banter' table outside this pub.

Wasted time, and why Star Trek isn't helping.

I'm not sure if this has happened to anyone else, but I'm finding myself becoming a characture.

The offerings of a modern world upon a 17 year such as myself are amazing, something that anyone from any previous generation would marvel at, and yet I am apathetical towards all of them.

Those from the previous generations already had what I miss most, and what drives me away from the offerings that are within my reach.

I have wondered around my house for 2 days now, talking to no one other than a very old friend of mine by text, who seems not to keen on texting ever since an issue of the topic of romantic feeling came up between us last month.

Looking back upon the texts I have sent it seems all to clear that my desperation is showing.

It just seems that after a moment of romantic physical, or emotional contact with another human being, for the next few weeks all of the normal things I do when I'm at home are written off as wasted time, and theyre for unsatisfieing.

Today I watched 6 back to back episodes of the original Star Trek purely to see what all the fuss was about, knowing that in doing so, I had become a characture of a lonely person who stays at home.

This does not mean by any chance that I will never have a moment of romantic contact again, but it rather means that I do not see it happening in the near future.

It sounds sad to admit, but I enjoy the themes of fantasy presented to me in games like Final Fantasy 9, in the same way I enjoy themes presented in Books, Star Trek has come as a welcome change to my usual diet of Nerdist activities, but although I appreciate it was groundbreaking for its time, I believe being so young I cant appreciate its full nature, as the groundbreaking things about it are in a lot of texts I have seen from more modern texts, theyre is a small inkling in the back of my head that says that I enjoy it far more than I should considering the low standard of definition and computer effects that I'm seeing, in the same feeling of hope that I get when I watch the 4th, 5th & 6th Star Wars films.


I'm still not seeing why people would want to make it thier Religion though, and please don't let yourself think I'm a nerd, I shall post various other things that would make evidence contrary to this belief.

Whats odd is all the things I do when I'm not at home, seem like they happen to a different person.
And the version of myself that stays at home remains a lonesome fool who doesnt get out much.

Rally' Ho!