The Human Condition, Socail Survival Instincts & Isolation. (And Trotsky)

Im sad, Alone.

It would be wrong to say abandoned because it would not be wrong to say this isnt my fault, isn't that a double negative?

I look upon the 100+ people on my mobile phone and my mind can think of a reason for not talking to any of them.

The same thing exists on a bigger scale with the 455 people I have on my facebook.

Its not that I don't want to talk to these people, But I can predict there reactions to me attempting to talk to them. A prime example being a friend of the opposite sex who you used to talk to all the time but now they have a boyfriend it seems like you are trying to flirt with them. they can look down upon you from thier rightful place on the throne of the human condition.

Its all together possible that I'm wrong, and pherhaps theres a kindled soul within the limits of my communication who is feeling as alone and sad as I am, but theres so much risk. But wait, theres no risk, I'm not going to be harmed or die because of talking to someone in any of the most likely predictions of situations why talking to those people, maybe I should just talk to them.

theres probably a good reason why my mind is throwing up all these reasons for not talking to people, If my ancestors hadnt needed these instincts to survive, they would'nt be there, but maybe I'm just being silly.

Maybe I could just meet someone new, and we could both do the absolute most we could to make each other happy.

I've done it.

I've spoken to someone, albiet shielding my true reasons and using a general point that had to be addressed with that person. pherhaps thats all normal socail communication is anyway.

She put a smiley.

Hope is there.

False, Naive, Temporary hope.

but isn't that all anyone ever has? Isn't that what hope is supposed to be.

Constant hope sounds satisfieing but it would be pointless, in the same way Trotskys constant revolution would be. But I understand the draw of both, not to say I'm a communist.

Still at least Trotksy had something to do.

If you find yourself struggling with lonelyness then your not alone, And yet you are alone, so very alone.

Going in mental circles at Warp 9. wheres cloud gone? and hang on, Cloud 9? does it exist?

 It has come to my attention that due to a recent illness I've linked back to my first post in becoming a characterure.

The illness has me pretty much bed ridden so I've been forced to cook fast food, watch star trek, play pokemon on small handheld devices & play outdated playstation games like Dynasty Warriors 4 or Final Fantasy 7.

Myself playing a console as a feature in Pokemon Blue.
I Thought it summed up things well.

Ray Liotta Giving Fatherly Advice in "Blow"
I've always related to his character a lot more than any other in the film.

its true that I enjoy all of these things, And I've managed to have one big night out with friends at a local pub in the mean time, but one has to wonder, am I wasting my small amount of life. 

There is the arguement that anything you enjoy can't be a waste of time, then theres Ray Liotta's argument from 'Blow' about wasted talent, not that I'm saying I have any.

I do truly believe my body is telling me to do something responsible which is sad because I'm not one to do something predictable, I seek out the feelings and things that I wish to enjoy that I believe make me feel safe or accepted.

Marlon Brando
"Could've Been a Contender, Could've been Somebody"

It sounds a clich'e but I'll be very dissapointed if I find myself dying without doing something a bit different, but the fact thats happened to so many people already is testiment to fact that by default, humans want more than they can have.

I've recently had much feeling on the subject of getting a girlfriend but I remember the massive feelings of thinking for two and being trapped that I felt last time. But oh well.

A psychologist would probably say its normal for my age, and its just my Brains way of deciding how I'm going to be for the rest of my life and thats why I'm confused. But what do I know, I'm not a psychologist.

"Damnit Jim, Im a Doctor not a psychologist"

Zack Fair.
Executed.

I find my obsessions are once again creeping up, with last months mixture of Final Fantasy 7 (particuarily Cloud's Flashbacks and Zack Fair, and anything to do with Nibelheim) to a soundtrack of the latest Bombay Bicycle Club Album ("Bad Timing" & "Lights Out/Words Gone")

Spock, Kirk & Bones on the Bridge of the Enterprise.

Star Trek : the Original Series which I've enjoyed for sometime to the soundtrack of "She Wants" by Metronomy and "Olympic Airways" by the Foals is the latest, this is what I mean by wasted time. Truth betold though I'm bored of the Bar scene and I don't believe its helping anything, so Why dont I just enjoy the things I enjoy. The simplest equasion.

Mark from Peep Show did refer to it as "Gaddafis Law" mind, Jeremys face summs up my confusion perfectly.

Jeremy Of Peep Show.